I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
