: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
