kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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