good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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