i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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