So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
