We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
