I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i've created a new STD.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
