I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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