Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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