Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
