Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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