Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
