My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
