we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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