Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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