i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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