We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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