You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
