You smell like stripper and shame
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
