Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
