i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
