I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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