there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
