At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
