Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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