i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
