hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
