im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
