I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
