I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
