By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
