Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
please don't ironically join a cult
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