So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
