You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
