I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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