Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
