I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
