Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
