i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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