I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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