I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There's always time for handjobs
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
