grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
