If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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