I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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