She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
