we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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