So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
