Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
