so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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