I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
